I have been absent for a while now and I thought it was about time I gave an explanation. I start a new blog in full force and then nothing for over a month. I am sure from the title you have now realised why and hopefully this is a good enough reason to fall off the band wagon.
I have now completed my first trimester and can finally talk about it and the fact I have a tiny human growing inside my belly. I wanted to give an honest review and summery of the first trimester and what I have been feeling, It’s honest – not negative. I always said if I write a blog, I will never write what I think people want to hear but rather what in fact I am feeling in the hope that I can help others with my honesty and people might be able to relate rather than fluffy nothingness.
When I saw that second line show up on my pregnancy test, I was squealing like a piglet. Frank (my frenchie) didn’t know what to do so obviously used the opportunity to get a toy and ask for play time. I could’t wait to tell Sam so I told him I had got him an early birthday present (his birthday was a few weeks away) I put the pregnancy test in a small birthday bag and put a note saying ‘you’re going to be a daddy’. He was over the moon. We have pretty much been on cloud 9 ever since and we cannot wait to meet the little bubba.
I have suffered with anxiety for most of my adult life, it has mostly been in work situations and never affected my relationships and home so I thought I may be OK during pregnancy but unfortunately I was wrong. The first trimester is the scariest period with the highest possibilities of miscarriage so it’s just a constant worry to reach the end of 12 weeks. Every pain you think the worst. I was told not to Google any symptoms and all I can say is DON’T GOOGLE ANYTHING! There are two types of stories you will find online:
1. The type who has bled for 4 days with a lot of blood and period cramps and had the worst experiences you can imagine, rushed to hospital only to find the baby is absolutely fine and healthy and she goes on to have a lovely healthy pregnancy.
2. The type who has had no pains, a straight forward normal pregnancy only to find out at her scan there was no heart beat.
These types of people are the exceptions and not the rule, it will not help as you are you and your story is yours. Go with the flow and try to remain as positive as possible. I had quite a sharp and intense pain in my right hand side and after Googling this symptom, I had self diagnosed myself with an ectopic pregnancy. What’s good to keep in mind is that we are growing a baby, out stomachs are preparing and growing a big enough womb to fit a bloody human! You will get pains and they will be different to anything you have felt but unless you are told otherwise, they will most likely be ligament pains or stretching pains. I then self diagnosed myself with a ‘silent miscarriage’, I mean it’s ridiculous now that I look at the scan on my fridge and realise I was so convinced but realise it is just in my head. I have started meditating and will be doing pre-natal yoga to relax my body and mind and will be calm for myself and this baby!
I wouldn’t call my experience pre-natal depression, I had my anxieties and worries but that’s the only thing and once I wasn’t worrying, I was fine so luckily I wasn’t feeling down all the time. I did however experience lack of motivation which was party due to my tiredness. Before I fell pregnant I would get up, walk Frank have breakfast, take a shower and get down to emails and work but once I was pregnant, It was so difficult to get up and then muster any energy to do anything. If i emptied the dishwasher, put a wash on and cooked a meal, that was a big enough achievement for the day. It is better now but not great, I have down days. In saying this, I did go to Dubai and had an amazing time but then most of the time I was sleeping by the pool or eating. The above image is me in Dubai at 8 weeks pregnant!
I realise this does sound very negative at this stage but it’s all part of the changes and what some (not all) women will experience. I did have (and still slightly have) bad nausea, mostly when I haven’t eaten in around an hour and half. I eat small meals often. Have snacks like nuts and apples in the house and drink plenty of water. Listen to your body when you are tired – have a rest.
Personally, I have loved seeing the changes of my body. There is no control over it which can sometimes seem a little scary but I have fully embraced it. I mean we are growing ears, tongues, noses and eyes for goodness sakes – it’s incredible that that is all happening in our little bumps. My boobs have gone up a cup size which I love! the nipples do get bigger and darker which I probably least like about the changes but when I look at my body as a whole, I look pregnant and different in a beautiful feminine way. It’s the most beautiful thing.
Not feeling pregnant
Everywhere you read they say ‘listen to your body’ I felt constantly nauseous and so tired and suddenly week 10 it stopped. I had a surge of energy and my sickness had gone (unfortunately only for a short while) well then, if I ‘listen’ to my body as people say – I am not pregnant as I had those symptoms and now they are gone. This was the scariest time for me and I worried from week 10 until my scan at week 12 and 5 days which was thankfully all good! Pregnancy is not straight forward and everybody is different, just because someone is sick for 5 months or you don’t feel pregnant doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not. Just hold on to hope and faith and wait for the experts to tell you what is going on in your body. I honestly don’t feel like there is a baby in my belly and every time I look at the scan on the fridge it reminds me that it’s in there.
Some people hate women that have to give their two pence about what they did during pregnancy, their horror birth stories and what you can and can’t do/eat. Again, personally, it really doesn’t bother me. I actually like to hear the stories and watching ‘One Born Every Minute’, it’s going to happen, I am going to give birth so why not see the worst that can happen and hope for the best? I obviously haven’t really got to the stage where people are commenting on the size of my bump but this is another thing pregnant woman get hung up on, I just feel like saying to some woman ‘enjoy YOUR moment, give a flying toss what people say and think, let people make comments, it won’t ever stop so just take it with a pinch of salt and move on’.
All in all, I am so happy that we are having this little miracle and I cannot wait to welcome the little buddy into our family and go on family holidays and days out. Pregnancy at the moment is full of sickness, lack of energy, tiredness, odd pains and letting myself go a bit – I haven’t had my eyebrows done in about 2 1/2 months! It isn’t exactly what I imagined but the fact I have a little bubba cooking away I really don’t mind and hopefully will be feeling a lot better soon so I can be the glowing pregnant woman I want to be but if not I will wait for bubba to come and that is also fine.